Soul-O-Meter
I wish I could walk around all day and give people the percentage of their soul that is left.
Bad Drivers
In the last few days yours truly has come close several times to death. Why? Bad drivers. I have been run off the road, cut off by old people, etc. Then I was reminded of this little gem. Too bad it was edited..
…and I definitely need to write more. According to Sabrina. She is right.
Ripped like Jesus
Classic Greg Behrendt. One of my favorite stand-up comics:
Make sure you visit his website @ http://www.gregbehrendt.com/
Confessions of a Bald Man
What should be a balding man’s worst nightmare? The comb-over. Nothing struck fear in me more than that dreaded phrase. Comb-over is even in the dictionary;
combover |ˈkōmˌōvər| (also comb-over)
noun
hair that is combed over a bald spot in an attempt to cover it.
The other night I had a nightmare about a comb-over. (Yeah these are the types of nightmares I have..last night I had a dream about batting in a little league game, and threatening the pitcher for throwing at me…in little league…) My dream consisted of me looking at myself from behind, and watching me trying to comb-over hair. Not pleasant.
So I knew ye old hair was going for a long time, and I had come to accept that. Eventually less and less hair was at my disposal to use. Then the inevitable happened, and I knew. I fired up the car and took a drive to Wal-Mart, bought an $8 pair of clippers and shaved it all off.
Outside of feeling more aerodynamic at the time, there were some other pros for having a shaved head:
1. I’m going to save a ton on shampoo.
2. I’m going to save a ton on hair gel.
3. Women are going to rub my head. Lots of them.
Number three did not occur as much as I had hoped, but that was a pro at the time. For a few years I’m feeling pretty good about my new found “do”. Occasionally mom would say something like “Wow I wish you had your old hair back” or “Why don’t you try some Rogaine?” I guess there is something about spraying a chemical on my head to grow hair that frightens me.
Figure 1 – Comb-over examples
NO, NO and NO
Then year before last the whole bald thing hit me.
I was up with Dave & Susie in the Wisconsin Dells taking some kind of horse drawn carriage ride, with this Mom, Dad & little girl behind us. The tour was going right along and then I hear the little girl say, “Wow Mommie…THAT GUY IS BALD!” I was looking around to make fun of the bald guy too. This was gonna be awesome! “HEY CUEBALL!” I turned around and saw she was looking at me.
Oh crap.
My first reaction was to say something off the wall like, “That’s what chemo does to you…”, but I’m pretty sure I would have caught on fire right there for that one. Instead I just laughed and smiled. What else can you do? It was a little kid.
There is a point to this. Guys – if you are staring to go..accept it. The quicker you do, the quicker you can endure the humiliation.
-Kev
P.S.
Don’t think I didn’t imagine pushing her off the cart.
Dentist aftermath
This is one of the funniest YouTube videos I’ve ever watched. You will see why:
Baby factory interview
The Today show had an exclusive interview with the mother of the California octuplets, Nadya Suleman. The first thing that came to mind when I watched her interview was, “Wow..she’s had 14 kids. She looks really good for having that many kids exit your body.” The next thing that passed through my mind was actually feeling sorry for her. I can hear you saying, “How the heck can you feel sorry for her Kev?” Well for one she obviously has issues. She already has six children, which have all been conceived in vitro. According to her she wanted just one more baby. Now I’m usually not all that great at math, but when you only want one more child you don’t inject 6 eggs into your body.
6 eggs + double yolk – 7 = 1…If I did the math correctly.
Next she mad what I believe is the most epic quote anyone could ever make. It certainly went to the top of my list of all time crazy quotes. Miss Suleman says:
“I know I’ll be able to afford them when I’m done with my schooling. If I were just sitting down, watching TV and not being as determined as I am to succeed and provide a better future for my children, I believe that would be considered to a certainly degree selfish,” she said.
She did also mention that the fact that she is being judged for being a single mother. I did stop to think about that for a second. I can see where people would be critical of her. Society still, for some dumb reason, frowns upon being a single parent. I personally know several people where being a single parent is way more beneficial to the child, rather than a two parent household.
I will give her credit though. She wants no welfare compensation, and all the children were conceived by the same donor. According to her she would love the “father” to be in their lives when the time is right. I can’t imagine that conversation.
*Telephone Rings
Donor: Hello?
Nadya: Hey…its Nadya. How are things going?
Donor: Good good…SSDD. How are you?
Nadya: Um..pretty good. Went to the Dr today for my ultrasound. It was amazing!!!!
Donor: Wow! So everything is good with the little guy?
Nadya: …uh…about that…it is a miracle! You aren’t going to believe it. The Dr said he saw more than one head.
Donor: Twins? I am so happy for you!
Nadya: No…8 heads…..
*choking noise on other end of the line…..Nadya continues*
Nadya: I want you to be in their lives when you are ready.
Donor: This is like the last time when you said you only wanted 2 right?
If I were this guy I would get a few more jobs. ASAP.
Super Bowl Commercials
I thought for the most part the Super Bowl commercials stunk. There was one though in particular I loved. Here it is.
Sleep is good
Sleep is good. Especially at 4:10am.
2000 Flushes + 8
That flushing noise that you just heard, or that I heard at least, was the memories of 2008 going right where it should – my local sewer treatment plant. Maybe you can guess that I really didn’t have the greatest year in 2008. I should probably rephrase that. 2008 sucked. Pure and simple.
Off to Europe
I haven’t had a vacation in quite a while, so in July I decided to book a trip to the Netherlands. “Why the Netherlands?” you say? Well it isn’t for the obvious reason you are probably thinking of. I am going to see two of my best friends in the entire world – Ben and Ellen. Besides they have been bugging me to come over for a while now, and I figure it was probably time. Plus best of all – I get to see my new nephew!!
One more important reason – cookies. I was informed there would be cookies when I got there, so I am super jacked up about that. Cookies should be their own food group – especially chocolate chip.
Anyway I got to the airport a few hours early, so now I’m just killing time. I did eat at Chili’s, which is always a great way to start off vacation.
I finally found a power outlet too. Sadly I am dependent on my little electronic devices. Speaking of…the guy sitting next to me has a Macbook Air. I would love to have one of those….you could be my best friend forever and buy me one for Christmas.
Just a thought. Off to London in a few hrs.
